I love logic and routines. It’s so fun to make a plan and then cruise right on down the path just like it was laid out. And then BAM! There’s a cliff.
I hate cliffs. Not like the real ones, those are pretty cool, I’m talking about the psycho-cliffs. The ones that feel real but aren’t, they’re just made up of thought and emotion. Those can be a doozy.
My son was born a few months ago and at times we strive to establish a routine.
Who am I kidding? We are longing to establish a routine for him and for ourselves. The thing is, he’s not having it. Even the slightest bit of consistency and it’s as if he can sense our pleasure and he say, “oh, you think that’s nice? Watch this!” And just like that we’re back to a clean slate, no consistency whatsoever. No anchor, no tiny bit to cling to for hope in getting our lives back.
Actually, I don’t know why I keep lying to you, my son doesn’t talk yet, he’s only a few months old. Regardless, somehow we keep coming back to the complete unknown and all I want is a little prediction and control!
Is that what this whole natural path of having offspring is for? It happens late enough in life for us to establish some habits and routines, think we have our lives in order, and then it just slips right out from under us. Could it be that it’s natures intent?
What is stability anyway? We say “it’s stable” as if we know it wont collapse. But how do we really know? Do we have the ability to go into the future and come back to the present with an undeniable prediction of what will happen?
Life doesn’t work like that. We may feel as if we have control but we don’t. Just like we may set out a fantastic plan with all kinds of detail and everything might work out that way. But it also might not.
As I take this final moment of the month to publish this blog I feel as if my son is teaching me a new lesson: Get comfortable with uncertainty. But really its not his lesson to teach, it just is what it is and that’s what he’s living out. I think it’s that state of being that we forget sometimes. He just hasn’t had a chance to yet.